Married Men and Prostitutes

Update: You may also want to read the follow up post on how to tell if your husband is visiting prostitutes.

I came across an article from Oprah.com (it was syndicated on CNN, I swear) that talked about why men cheat.  In the article, marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, author of the new book The Truth About Cheating, gives some interesting facts.

It’s estimated that 1 in every 2.7 men will cheat on their spouse, and that less than 7% of those men will come clean about their infidelity.  It’s also interesting that 92% of the men claim that sex is not their primary motivation.

Gary Neuman makes sure to state upfront that cheating is a despicable act, and that it causes pain to the very person these men swore to love and respect.  He also makes sure to let the Oprah viewers know that it’s not the woman’s fault.  So…it’s not you, it’s them, right?  Well….it looks like Gary also let’s women know they have to be more supportive of their husbands.

A guy named Josh tells us that he cheated on his wife because he felt “under appreciated” at home.  “The insecurity was really the catalyst” Josh says.  It seems Josh didn’t like the daily routine of paying bills, doing chores, taking care of the kids, so he screwed around on his wife.

Let me say for the record, I don’t get guys like Josh.  And I don’t really believe him.  I don’t think Josh wants to admit that he is really a shallow ass who wanted to screw around on his wife, and he knows that playing the emotion game is going to get him off the hook, at least a little.

I decided to do my own little study.  I’m more qualified than M. Gary Neuman, I’m not peddling a book on Oprah.  And I have known a lot of guys who cheat on their wives.  And I can tell you that each and every one did so for the sex.  Maybe they had a good time hanging out as well, but it really came down to the excitement of new sex with a new person.

Since M. Gary Neuman has already shared with us the reason men have affairs, I decided to focus on men who are simply having sex behind their wives back, specifically with prostitutes.  So I posted ads to several Craigslist city sites asking for married men to tell me about their experiences with prostitutes.  I also emailed some professional escorts directly to take a quick survey on their experience with married men.

Let me start off with the escort feedback.  According to the escorts I spoke to, roughly 75% of their clients are married, often traveling on business.  The ages range on average between 30 – 55, and appear to be professional men.  The fact that most of these women charge the same as a high priced attorney would make me believe that these men in fact do make a good living.

According to one respondent, “they’re almost all married, and I don’t think I have ever seen one try to hide it from me.  They will take calls from their wives while I’m there, talk to their kids, whatever.  They sometimes show me pictures of their kids while I’m getting dressed.  It’s not a big deal to them.”.

Another escort shared, “most of my out of town clients treat it (sex with a hooker) like drinking or smoking.  They know their wife doesn’t like it, so they don’t tell her.”.

I asked these women if they found these married guys to be unhappy with their wives.  Do they complain about them?  “No, just the opposite usually.  They brag about how great their marriage is” was one response I got.

Getting into the guy’s responses is a bit more of what you might expect.  “What I do on my own has nothing to do with my wife.  It’s a flaw, but it’s the only break I get sometimes.”.  Another man stated that he thinks prostitutes actually help keep his marriage going.  “My wife doesn’t feel good about herself a lot.  She thinks she is unattractive and is always down on herself.  But after my time with ******* (he named his prostitute for me), I’m able to be much better to her.”  Isn’t that sweet?  He nails hookers to help his wife deal with her insecurities.

Here’s another response I got from Craigslist, “The reason they do it because subconsciously they’ve turned their wife into their mother – this is a normal phenomenon in most couples so they can’t really have good sex with their “mothers” and more often than not the wife treats them like little boys – again, noones fault that’s just how love works – BUT men feel societal pressure to be more “manly” or to dominate someone – perhaps get out their anger or just feel “studly” – if there’s a mistress she can serve to make him feel adored and admired.”

This was a little psychobabble for my taste, so I responded asking it they were a man or woman, married or single.  The response I got was “I’m a psychotherapist”.  Interesting.

The fact is these men shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.  If we want to find a bigger cause of the problem than guys thinking with the little head, let’s look at society.  Why is it assumed that the primary mission in life for men and women is to get married and have kids?  Why do we push people who maybe should be left single, into a commitment that everyone, even themselves, knows they are not going to stick to.

Most of my married friends are in terrible marriages.  I think this can be attributed to both parties.  Men don’t really look for a compatible soulmate, they look for the hottest woman who will have them, and trade up until they get to what they consider their pinnacle.

Women look for the potential mate, instead of what is truly standing in front of them at the alter.  And then they act surprised when their husbands ditch them for some younger, prettier girl, who will now enjoy the more improved man the wife helped make.

I obviously don’t agree with M. Gary Neuman, who thinks that men’s infidelity is going to be fixed by women being more supportive.  Husbands and wives should be supportive because that’s what makes a marriage work, not to keep each other from cheating.  The fact is there is no simple answer.  I’m not going to say it’s not women’s fault, and then tell them what they should do to help prevent it.  Men and women make their own decisions in life.  The only answer is to choose wisely.  Not just your spouse, but your lifestyle.  Not everyone needs to be married.

575 thoughts on “Married Men and Prostitutes

    1. Jim Walser

      That is a interesting blog indeed. You’re right she is articulate.OMG A Hooker they walk among us!! Why are so programmed to these stereo types? Did you know half the Johns in my program aren’t convicted offenders but doctors,lawyers and very articulate people,so are some “hookers”

      Reply
    1. Jim Walser

      That is a interesting blog indeed. You’re right she is articulate.OMG A Hooker they walk among us!! Why are so programmed to these stereo types? Did you know half the Johns in my program aren’t convicted offenders but doctors,lawyers and very articulate people,so are some “hookers”

      Reply
  1. Jim Walser

    I’m a man who was a hobbyist for years,and active misogynist,all men who use prostitutes have no respect for women including their wives or girlfriends. It took me loosing a beautiful family to wake up,my wife and I are friends today ,and I speak at sessions with court ordered Johns who were soliciting prostitutes.
    There’s many different reasons men do this.
    Ladies your husbands have issues that may take a long time to heal,whatever choice you make it’s probably best to move on and away from him for now.

    Reply
  2. Jim Walser

    I’m a man who was a hobbyist for years,and active misogynist,all men who use prostitutes have no respect for women including their wives or girlfriends. It took me loosing a beautiful family to wake up,my wife and I are friends today ,and I speak at sessions with court ordered Johns who were soliciting prostitutes.
    There’s many different reasons men do this.
    Ladies your husbands have issues that may take a long time to heal,whatever choice you make it’s probably best to move on and away from him for now.

    Reply
  3. Rustic_chivalry

    I sleep with hookers once week. They do for me everything my wife stopped doing the minute our first kid popped out. If it wasn’t for these lovely ladies of the night/day our marriage would have been over a long time ago. My wife is my best friend and like a sister to me but you can’t stick your willy up your sisters bum and then spunk all over her boobies. Thats just wrong. But with Scarlett, Night_Angel, StilletoeBitch and DeepthroatMInx anything goes. Call me sick or perverted but my wife and kids have a great life. They want for nothing and we are a close happy family. So what if daddy likes to dip his wick in the well of many. My wife probably knows because I often smell of cheap perfume and probably taste of hooker spit. But would she walk away from my six figure salary, her sport cars, 4 holidays a year, private schooling for the kids and endless cups of coffee and shopping sprees with her friends. No, I don’t think so. Oh and obviously I have a very tight prenup so she is screwed…not as often as me though.

    Reply
    1. Reaping and Sowing

      You are nothing but a selfish man! You really don’t loved your wife at all! You don’t how much your wife feels. Do you have a little girl? Have thought about of man she going to marry will not cheat? If you love her, you do a lot of thinking before hurting your family. Remember, the reaping and sowing. The law of gravity has not changed. You still have a time to changed for family’s sake! That’s if you loved them!

      Reply
  4. Rustic_chivalry

    I sleep with hookers once week. They do for me everything my wife stopped doing the minute our first kid popped out. If it wasn’t for these lovely ladies of the night/day our marriage would have been over a long time ago. My wife is my best friend and like a sister to me but you can’t stick your willy up your sisters bum and then spunk all over her boobies. Thats just wrong. But with Scarlett, Night_Angel, StilletoeBitch and DeepthroatMInx anything goes. Call me sick or perverted but my wife and kids have a great life. They want for nothing and we are a close happy family. So what if daddy likes to dip his wick in the well of many. My wife probably knows because I often smell of cheap perfume and probably taste of hooker spit. But would she walk away from my six figure salary, her sport cars, 4 holidays a year, private schooling for the kids and endless cups of coffee and shopping sprees with her friends. No, I don’t think so. Oh and obviously I have a very tight prenup so she is screwed…not as often as me though.

    Reply
    1. Aaajtechnologies

      You are such a cheap type of person with no integrity. It really showing you don’t really loved your wife. How about your children? Do you have girl…what would she feel if she will get married someday and be cheated by her husband. Have you consider your wife feeling at all? The law of gravity, “what must goes up must come down.” How about reaping and sowing?

      Reply
    2. Reaping and Sowing

      You are nothing but a selfish man! You really don’t loved your wife at all! You don’t how much your wife feels. Do you have a little girl? Have thought about of man she going to marry will not cheat? If you love her, you do a lot of thinking before hurting your family. Remember, the reaping and sowing. The law of gravity has not changed. You still have a time to changed for family’s sake! That’s if you loved them!

      Reply
  5. Farshadism

    there is a fact we have to come to believe,
    this is the man nature to be thirsty of having sex with someone new.
    Men are both physically and mentally totally different from women.
    so quit stretching this any longer.

    Reply
  6. Farshadism

    there is a fact we have to come to believe,
    this is the man nature to be thirsty of having sex with someone new.
    Men are both physically and mentally totally different from women.
    so quit stretching this any longer.

    Reply
    1. Torrance34

      THANK YOU!! I’m so over coming to this blog and seeing the comments section riddled in comments by these women stretching this out and beating this to death,analyzing the man and trashing the whore. Go to therapy and stop coming to the boards so we don’t have to look at a entire row of comments from Deb from south Florida and other bitter women in response to a blog that was written over two years ago!! It’ll never fail ,These two posts written over two years ago will continue to get these broads clogging up the comment section!

      Reply
    2. Boykinnorma

      Physically stronger as in being strong enough to pick up somethin that she might not can,but you men are not as physically stronger than women if it was the other way around and she was cheating on you.Now are you?Mentally totally different,you have got that right.Mentally ill.And a mans nature is just like a dogs nature they dont give a dame who they hump on that is why men are called DOG’S all the time.If you are married and you go out and cheat all the time,pay prostitutes money that is also your wifes money then there is a big problem there and the problem dont belong to the wife it belongs to you,but in the end we are the one who has to pay the price.When you love someone and you find out that he has been cheating on you and paying for it whit your money,and has prob over the years has spent enough to buy yu a better house or car then that make you a selfish dog.It does hurt the wife more than the husband know’s take it from me I know,I have been going through it for a year and have lost 40 pounds and look like I have aged 20 years.Why would someone do that to a person they claim they love?What do the whore’s have that the wife dont?When a man goes out and buy prostitutes he is in the devil’s playground and will pay for it in the end.Vengeance is mine saith the Lord

      Reply
  7. Sarahjane

    some men just need “strange p***y” my sex life with my husband is amazing and freaky, we do it every day , we have had threesomes with men and women, I do everything anal oral role play, and I found out recently he has been sleeping with escorts. I have no idea how often but as soon as I found out I started doing the same (not paying of course how lame are guys that they have to pay?) lol two can play at this game.

    Reply
    1. Relaxitsjustyoga

      This is what I plan to do. I caught my boyfriend cheating with hookers. I’m pregnant so I am in no position to leave at this point. In 6 months after I have this baby I will not feel bad about cheating on him. It is a big motivator to take care of my body and self so I will still be hotter than him even after I am a mommy. I don’t want to become some downtrodden wife that is being taken for granted like a fool. I’ve already confronted him, cried, gone to couples counseling with him etc etc. he said he didn’t want to lose me and he will do whatever it takes to make things right again. Sounded good and made me feel hopeful, until I found out he has still gone to escorts since this big trauma and promises. I would leave him today if I wasn’t pregnant and I was financially secure. .. I will just be like an escort and fuck him once in a while in return for financial securities for me and my baby.

      Reply
  8. Sarahjane

    some men just need “strange p***y” my sex life with my husband is amazing and freaky, we do it every day , we have had threesomes with men and women, I do everything anal oral role play, and I found out recently he has been sleeping with escorts. I have no idea how often but as soon as I found out I started doing the same (not paying of course how lame are guys that they have to pay?) lol two can play at this game.

    Reply
    1. Relaxitsjustyoga

      This is what I plan to do. I caught my boyfriend cheating with hookers. I’m pregnant so I am in no position to leave at this point. In 6 months after I have this baby I will not feel bad about cheating on him. It is a big motivator to take care of my body and self so I will still be hotter than him even after I am a mommy. I don’t want to become some downtrodden wife that is being taken for granted like a fool. I’ve already confronted him, cried, gone to couples counseling with him etc etc. he said he didn’t want to lose me and he will do whatever it takes to make things right again. Sounded good and made me feel hopeful, until I found out he has still gone to escorts since this big trauma and promises. I would leave him today if I wasn’t pregnant and I was financially secure. .. I will just be like an escort and fuck him once in a while in return for financial securities for me and my baby.

      Reply
  9. Demi Daniels

    Ok I AM AN ESCORT so I think I have a right to say this. Married men come to see us because they want to have their cake and eat it too and that’s all there is to it!

    They all give me varying excuses “She doesn’t perform well in bed” or ” Her body isn’t as tight as it used to be” to which I wish I could reply “Well…how about you grow a pair and tell her what you like in bed?” and “Well of course her body isn’t going to look like mine. I’m 22 and she’s 49 and blessed your sorry ass with kids.” or ” From the looks of it your body isn’t tight either buddy. I hope she’s off fucking some smoking hot lad with a huge cock and olympic stamina.” But alas, I just grin and bear it.

    It would be a nice refreshing change for men to just own up to the fact that the reason they cheat is because they are shitty husbands/boyfriends or don’t have the cajones to leave an unhappy relationship and stop blaming others for their lack of self control!

    Reply
    1. Michelle

      YAY to some truth……………………. thats why mine did it, he wanted something “different” …. nothing to do with me, and he is a shithead. Well said.

      Reply
    2. Maja34

      thanks for that truth and coming here to give a perspective. Demi,this is NOT an attack but you seem to have a side were you empathize with the wife. Does it seem like a contradiction to be doing this but know the wife is being hurt by him? I think you should just make a extra effort not totake part in it at all,just TRY to do something else. If the supply didn’t exist these guys would have no were to turn!

      Reply
    3. Maja34

      AGAIN I just wanted to stress I’m not judging you nor wouldI ever.I know how hard life and money can be. I’ve lived in a car with a toddler at one point in my life. I just think if you feel this way then you should have your actions match your words.It doesn’t do the wives any good or make us feel any better when you’re telling us you feel our pain but have our husbands penis inside you at the same time,just something to think about !!

      Reply
      1. Laura Dwensive

        Maja,thanks for writing what I was thinking. I have a husabnd who used escorts for years. I’m not judging either and thanks you Demi for coming here it’s brave but like Maja pointed out your having sympathy for us while having sex with them AND also isn’t he and all the men you see your bread and butter money? I appreciate the truth but you count on them for money but still trash them behind their back and have sympathy for us while having sex with them…yes double standard and hypocrasy! From an escorts point of view you should just be grateful, There’s these “pigs”out there to give you business and if you feel this way stop doing prostitution. So you come here sympathize with the wife and trash him and to his face you act and pretend he’st the greatest thing in the world when he’s giving you money! Make up your mind!!!

      2. Harrow

        I disagree Maja and Laura. I’m a wife betrayed by a husband who used hookers too ,and while this is a site for wives to vent ,we’re all in this together.Maybe her actions and the effects on herself as well are coming tot he surface by her wiritng them here,and perhaps she will get out of that.

      3. Oliveoyl

        Hi! Laura. I do not agree with waht you says here.
        I am a wife and my husband and I are married for already 8 years. He never give me money. He never wants me to work to other company. He wants me to work in his company so I am working with him as my boss for almost 8 years more than 8 or ten hours a day because that’s what he wants and he did not even pay me for two years I work before because he said company has no money. But he said to me before that he will pay me later when company gots up and running again. Until now he did not pay me. Company has money but he withdraw all of them and put on his personal accoujt. I am working inhis company all around (Accounting, Sales, administration and all other task) Among all the employees I receive very, very low salary. I even the one who cleans all the restrooms at work.
        I did not complain bec he said to help him build his company up. I am his servant, his domestic helper that cooks good food for him, and his employee as well that works more than 8 hpurs a day. I even spent my money to fix myself so he will enjoy sex more. Did he contributed to this expense? No of course. He holds his money so tight if it is about me but if it is about his family and friends he does not care how much he spend. I even got sort of STD from his stupidity (make love with “escort and prostitutes”) Did he spent even single penny for me to go to the doctor for this STD issue? No he did not. He knows that I got sick becuse of his stupidty my doctor talked to him. He admitted to my doctor. He cheated me several times and I forgive him each time. Year 2011 he promised me again he will not do those things again but he just did again last Macrh 2012 to April 2012. For long four weeks he was with prosti and not just one group but several different groups of prosti day and night. He embarassed me in fornt of the people many times, he yeeled at me with no reason at
        all. I was in the hospital several times but did he ever call me to ask if I am still alive? No he did not. Did he spent money for my hospital? No he did not. But for his friends, he does not care even he spent big money for them.

        I am still trying to pick up pieces of me to put them back togther that was destroyed because of his stupidity. I am still not sure if I can handle all of the estress, pains, etc I am now. I cried a tears every single day. I feel the pains every single minutes. I still do not know how to cope up.
        Hopeless,
        Oliveoyl

      4. OliveOyl

        I am a good cook and he always says that. Even though I works more than 8 hours a day, I still cook good food for him and he love every dishes I cooked. I even spent money to fix myself to make him happy for our sex life. But still he cheated me so bad. And one time we were in the restaurant and happened that one of his prev escort was there with another man, they did lips to lips kissing on front of me eyes and in front of all the people eating at that resto.

        Last year he told me to trasfer all my money to his account which I do not have access. He even wants my life insurance. He also ask me to make my salary to direct deposit to his account.

        This last March and April he did sleep with deffirent groups of prosti day and night that destroyed all of me being a person. He destroyed my dignity, I feel he does not respect me as a person, as a human and as a wife at all. I feel he does not cherrish all the good things I do for me. I serve him form head to toe. He always says I have the most beautifull body figure, the most beautifull breast, the most good cook in the world which I am but still he cheated on me. It is soooooooooooo painfull! I wish I can just vanish. I wish I can have amnesia so I do not remember anything even my name and even who I am. I wish I can be happy again and not crying every single minute of the day.

      5. Laura Dwensive

        Hey Olivroy,thanks for commenting on my comment,,and talking about your situation. I feel your pain,however after reading your comments twice I can’t even find the connection for you to disagree on anything. I wrote a comment to Demi about how it’s a double standard if she does that and feels sorry for wives,and your post is talking about something completly different. Did you mean to use someone elses name? So what don’t you agree with? You don’t say,all you do is explain your situation that has nothing to do with me telling Demi how I feel about her career choice of prostitution.Sorry I’m confused,perhpas you should go back and read my post.

      6. NIT2

        I’m sorry for you…. but honestly, you were married to one of the worst types of men I know of PURE SELFISH AND SHALLOW!!! GET RID OF HIM…. lots of guys out there who really could cherish one person. All these excuses for men to cheat are stupid. They lack Christianity and THEY ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEMS…..

      7. realitychecker

        I don’t care how hard a life is….. BEING A SLUT is just what it is! I do commend that you told this “escort” (another great denial word), that actions should match words. DOWN WITH PROSTITUTES!!!!

    4. A former "whore"

      I use to do “escort” in my 20’s. I’m now 46 with two daughters, and divorced.I work as a Interior decorator in Dallas. I remember this same attitude Demi and have to agree they just want their cake and eat it too! It was pathetic. You can try and try to decipher why men cheat or see “whores” but it simply boils down to this and plain old selfishness!

      I’m sorry to say wives and girlfriends. I never gave you a second thought back then. I was too busy trying to escape as I was brought to NYC at 18 and got out at 26. My days consisted of being terroized and beaten in a bathroom with whatever Troy felt like I needed that day.I would also look forward to a trick buying me a lunch after not being fed for a couple days. I even drank toilet water when chained to the toilet for three days,either that or dehydrate,not all hookers are glamous looking to ruin marriages. He threatened my life and family if I tried to leave,plus he had “top girls” who kept an eye on me,but now that I’m not forced into druged and beaten daily I have the mind pattern and capabilty to feel for you.

      My husband cheated too ONCE that I know of but I divorced right away,maybe being a tough hooker back in the day and having gone through that gave me the confidence to leave anyone who treats me like shit,so I was gone. It’s been 3 years now,but life is so much better than those days and a cheating husband. I couldn’t be happier. My daughter Reagan,3 years old has down syndrome but I take care of her mostly by myself! My daughters are angels and I’m grateful for all things good in my life,leave ladies if he continues. Men can be pigs!

      Reply
    5. Margo467

      I did this too. I agree. They do it because they can have their cake and eat it too. I haven’t done that in over fifteen years. I started out stripping. I read some of these posts on here. Ladies leave,unless he’s gun “ho” (no pun intended) on cleaning up his life. I’ve been in a lving relationship fpr over five years. It took allot of healing to get that jadded view of men out of my life/ Demi ,get out as fast as you can. It ruins you as a person

      Reply
      1. Plop

        It will ruin her as a person only if she is doing it only for the money. The only person who should be an escort is one who truly wants to help men get a lay. Aaaaaaaand…. Apropo, a lot of rich men have the belly because of the fact they sacrificed physical effort for the possibility to be rich. It’s still some kind of hard work that went on in the process. I’ve seen cookie-cutter examples of that. In exchange for being rich, they’d like to have a lady who takes care of herself give them a great time for a night..

        If I would ever use an escort, by the way, I would never give some excuse about why I’m cheating. I’d say what I really wanted to say: I just want some sex, and I ain’t going to have my lifespan cut short from prostate issues. It’s just “live and let live.”

        However, I don’t use an escort, because even if I’m not getting as much sex as I used to, I feel the personal responsibility to look for things above that fray. I have a son that I had with an extremely physically abusive ex-gf, I have a wife who needs a lot of care, understanding and patience, and I have a business that needs to be nurtured. All of these things take priority, at least in my life, before sex. However, I don’t judge any other human being who cheats. There are men with higher drives than mine, and NEED to do it. It’s not about addiction, not about his “evil” penis, or anything like that. It’s about his circumstances. I’ll just worry about mine 🙂

    6. Higgerdeen

      Demi Daniels..gotta give you props for you post. I am Day 5. Into the discovery of being cheated on wwith escorts. Please not for the record that it was the most aweful exp but strangley he snuck awa y enough cash for round two. Blindsided…thought we were closer then ever. Open communcation about what he needs etc. Sure watch a porn let’s go get toys. Yeah ill go to a strip club and a dance. I am attractive and like aggressive sex….drummm roool please…for my fault. I am too aggressive and to sexual he feels insecure and wanted to try and be the agggreeser in the bed room. You know what would have been nice husband of 6 years with 2 children….I don’t know maybe fucking tell me before you shatter our family. Awesome. Fuck then

      Reply
    7. Jondn

      Good post. On your point bout having the cake and eating it too, Shull misses the critical point that the shitty husbands expect thier wife to be pure and faithful while they sneak around and would freak if they caught their wives in an affair.

      Reply
    8. Kenneth-r

      Dear, you just made a complicated subject easy. It really is as simple as you say. Have your cake and eat it too. Sex is fun, why deny it?

      Reply
    9. YouCanStop

      Demi, I’m sorry the world has men like me around. If it wasn’t for us then you wouldn’t be able to earn a living from this kind of work.

      I am sorry for the psychological effects men like me leave you with. You are someone’s daughter and deserve to be treated with respect. You can stop too… Take it one day at a time, take a lower paid job and graft for that promotion. You will feel better for it.

      Reply
      1. Lauren

        So true,thats why I agreed with the womens post in reply to hers…she counts on you for money but resents you! Then stop and get another job if youhave this much bitterness and complaints….really annoying! She actually thought she’s come here and get on the wifes good side but we see it different. If these men are so disgusting then get a reglar job Demi! Youre telling us what weknow and want to hear with our husbands dick inside you isn’t helping

    10. urevil

      Dear “escort”;
      Call it for what it is….. “escort to hell”. Men are warned via the Bible about women like you! You’re as shallow, pathetic, and low as they are! One day you will stand before God and when you talk to him like you just “excused” your way out of your stupid comment you’ll KNOW you are the one that is in the wrong! GET A LIFE!!!!!

      Reply
  10. Demi Daniels

    Ok I AM AN ESCORT so I think I have a right to say this. Married men come to see us because they want to have their cake and eat it too and that’s all there is to it!

    They all give me varying excuses “She doesn’t perform well in bed” or ” Her body isn’t as tight as it used to be” to which I wish I could reply “Well…how about you grow a pair and tell her what you like in bed?” and “Well of course her body isn’t going to look like mine. I’m 22 and she’s 49 and blessed your sorry ass with kids.” or ” From the looks of it your body isn’t tight either buddy. I hope she’s off fucking some smoking hot lad with a huge cock and olympic stamina.” But alas, I just grin and bear it.

    It would be a nice refreshing change for men to just own up to the fact that the reason they cheat is because they are shitty husbands/boyfriends or don’t have the cajones to leave an unhappy relationship and stop blaming others for their lack of self control!

    Reply
    1. Maja34

      thanks for that truth and coming here to give a perspective. Demi,this is NOT an attack but you seem to have a side were you empathize with the wife. Does it seem like a contradiction to be doing this but know the wife is being hurt by him? I think you should just make a extra effort not totake part in it at all,just TRY to do something else. If the supply didn’t exist these guys would have no were to turn!

      Reply
    2. Maja34

      AGAIN I just wanted to stress I’m not judging you nor wouldI ever.I know how hard life and money can be. I’ve lived in a car with a toddler at one point in my life. I just think if you feel this way then you should have your actions match your words.It doesn’t do the wives any good or make us feel any better when you’re telling us you feel our pain but have our husbands penis inside you at the same time,just something to think about !!

      Reply
      1. Laura Dwensive

        Maja,thanks for writing what I was thinking. I have a husabnd who used escorts for years. I’m not judging either and thanks you Demi for coming here it’s brave but like Maja pointed out your having sympathy for us while having sex with them AND also isn’t he and all the men you see your bread and butter money? I appreciate the truth but you count on them for money but still trash them behind their back and have sympathy for us while having sex with them…yes double standard and hypocrasy! From an escorts point of view you should just be grateful, There’s these “pigs”out there to give you business and if you feel this way stop doing prostitution. So you come here sympathize with the wife and trash him and to his face you act and pretend he’st the greatest thing in the world when he’s giving you money! Make up your mind!!!

      2. Oliveoyl

        Hi! Laura. I do not agree with waht you says here.
        I am a wife and my husband and I are married for already 8 years. He never give me money. He never wants me to work to other company. He wants me to work in his company so I am working with him as my boss for almost 8 years more than 8 or ten hours a day because that’s what he wants and he did not even pay me for two years I work before because he said company has no money. But he said to me before that he will pay me later when company gots up and running again. Until now he did not pay me. Company has money but he withdraw all of them and put on his personal accoujt. I am working inhis company all around (Accounting, Sales, administration and all other task) Among all the employees I receive very, very low salary. I even the one who cleans all the restrooms at work.
        I did not complain bec he said to help him build his company up. I am his servant, his domestic helper that cooks good food for him, and his employee as well that works more than 8 hpurs a day. I even spent my money to fix myself so he will enjoy sex more. Did he contributed to this expense? No of course. He holds his money so tight if it is about me but if it is about his family and friends he does not care how much he spend. I even got sort of STD from his stupidity (make love with “escort and prostitutes”) Did he spent even single penny for me to go to the doctor for this STD issue? No he did not. He knows that I got sick becuse of his stupidty my doctor talked to him. He admitted to my doctor. He cheated me several times and I forgive him each time. Year 2011 he promised me again he will not do those things again but he just did again last Macrh 2012 to April 2012. For long four weeks he was with prosti and not just one group but several different groups of prosti day and night. He embarassed me in fornt of the people many times, he yeeled at me with no reason at
        all. I was in the hospital several times but did he ever call me to ask if I am still alive? No he did not. Did he spent money for my hospital? No he did not. But for his friends, he does not care even he spent big money for them.

        I am still trying to pick up pieces of me to put them back togther that was destroyed because of his stupidity. I am still not sure if I can handle all of the estress, pains, etc I am now. I cried a tears every single day. I feel the pains every single minutes. I still do not know how to cope up.
        Hopeless,
        Oliveoyl

      3. Laura Dwensive

        Hey Olivroy,thanks for commenting on my comment,,and talking about your situation. I feel your pain,however after reading your comments twice I can’t even find the connection for you to disagree on anything. I wrote a comment to Demi about how it’s a double standard if she does that and feels sorry for wives,and your post is talking about something completly different. Did you mean to use someone elses name? So what don’t you agree with? You don’t say,all you do is explain your situation that has nothing to do with me telling Demi how I feel about her career choice of prostitution.Sorry I’m confused,perhpas you should go back and read my post.

      4. NIT2

        I’m sorry for you…. but honestly, you were married to one of the worst types of men I know of PURE SELFISH AND SHALLOW!!! GET RID OF HIM…. lots of guys out there who really could cherish one person. All these excuses for men to cheat are stupid. They lack Christianity and THEY ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEMS…..

      5. realitychecker

        I don’t care how hard a life is….. BEING A SLUT is just what it is! I do commend that you told this “escort” (another great denial word), that actions should match words. DOWN WITH PROSTITUTES!!!!

    3. A former "whore"

      I use to do “escort” in my 20’s. I’m now 46 with two daughters, and divorced.I work as a Interior decorator in Dallas. I remember this same attitude Demi and have to agree they just want their cake and eat it too! It was pathetic. You can try and try to decipher why men cheat or see “whores” but it simply boils down to this and plain old selfishness!

      I’m sorry to say wives and girlfriends. I never gave you a second thought back then. I was too busy trying to escape as I was brought to NYC at 18 and got out at 26. My days consisted of being terroized and beaten in a bathroom with whatever Troy felt like I needed that day.I would also look forward to a trick buying me a lunch after not being fed for a couple days. I even drank toilet water when chained to the toilet for three days,either that or dehydrate,not all hookers are glamous looking to ruin marriages. He threatened my life and family if I tried to leave,plus he had “top girls” who kept an eye on me,but now that I’m not forced into druged and beaten daily I have the mind pattern and capabilty to feel for you.

      My husband cheated too ONCE that I know of but I divorced right away,maybe being a tough hooker back in the day and having gone through that gave me the confidence to leave anyone who treats me like shit,so I was gone. It’s been 3 years now,but life is so much better than those days and a cheating husband. I couldn’t be happier. My daughter Reagan,3 years old has down syndrome but I take care of her mostly by myself! My daughters are angels and I’m grateful for all things good in my life,leave ladies if he continues. Men can be pigs!

      Reply
    4. Margo467

      I did this too. I agree. They do it because they can have their cake and eat it too. I haven’t done that in over fifteen years. I started out stripping. I read some of these posts on here. Ladies leave,unless he’s gun “ho” (no pun intended) on cleaning up his life. I’ve been in a lving relationship fpr over five years. It took allot of healing to get that jadded view of men out of my life/ Demi ,get out as fast as you can. It ruins you as a person

      Reply
      1. Plop

        It will ruin her as a person only if she is doing it only for the money. The only person who should be an escort is one who truly wants to help men get a lay. Aaaaaaaand…. Apropo, a lot of rich men have the belly because of the fact they sacrificed physical effort for the possibility to be rich. It’s still some kind of hard work that went on in the process. I’ve seen cookie-cutter examples of that. In exchange for being rich, they’d like to have a lady who takes care of herself give them a great time for a night..

        If I would ever use an escort, by the way, I would never give some excuse about why I’m cheating. I’d say what I really wanted to say: I just want some sex, and I ain’t going to have my lifespan cut short from prostate issues. It’s just “live and let live.”

        However, I don’t use an escort, because even if I’m not getting as much sex as I used to, I feel the personal responsibility to look for things above that fray. I have a son that I had with an extremely physically abusive ex-gf, I have a wife who needs a lot of care, understanding and patience, and I have a business that needs to be nurtured. All of these things take priority, at least in my life, before sex. However, I don’t judge any other human being who cheats. There are men with higher drives than mine, and NEED to do it. It’s not about addiction, not about his “evil” penis, or anything like that. It’s about his circumstances. I’ll just worry about mine 🙂

    5. Jondn

      Good post. On your point bout having the cake and eating it too, Shull misses the critical point that the shitty husbands expect thier wife to be pure and faithful while they sneak around and would freak if they caught their wives in an affair.

      Reply
    6. Kenneth-r

      Dear, you just made a complicated subject easy. It really is as simple as you say. Have your cake and eat it too. Sex is fun, why deny it?

      Reply
    7. YouCanStop

      Demi, I’m sorry the world has men like me around. If it wasn’t for us then you wouldn’t be able to earn a living from this kind of work.

      I am sorry for the psychological effects men like me leave you with. You are someone’s daughter and deserve to be treated with respect. You can stop too… Take it one day at a time, take a lower paid job and graft for that promotion. You will feel better for it.

      Reply
    8. urevil

      Dear “escort”;
      Call it for what it is….. “escort to hell”. Men are warned via the Bible about women like you! You’re as shallow, pathetic, and low as they are! One day you will stand before God and when you talk to him like you just “excused” your way out of your stupid comment you’ll KNOW you are the one that is in the wrong! GET A LIFE!!!!!

      Reply
  11. Clg

    I just found out my husband has been seeing escorts, I believe for the last five years or so an I will be married for eight years this month. I don’t know how to handle this, he says he loves me but how can I believe that. He travels for work and I am sure he is seeing escorts then too. I discovered this two days before Christmas but couldn’t confront him till about three weeks ago I am just so hurt and confused. Since confronting him he has changed all of his passwords on he computer to keep me from seeing anything. All I do is cry. I don’t want to be alone but now I feel like just crap worthless and can’t find any reason to keep on living. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend everything is ok, since I have not been able to tell but one person. Due to health reasons with my parents I can’t tell them. Help me what should I do.

    Reply
    1. Guest23

      LEAVE THIS ASSHOLE!!!! He owes you retrust but he changes his passwords? FUCK HIM!!!! If this selfish ass wants to work it out and not get a divorce he neds to let you see and check his emails now….GET PROOF AND TAKE HIS ASS TO THE CLEANERS!!! Get a backbone and leave!!

      Reply
    2. Demy

      Worthless,you can’t find reasons to keep on living,hurt confused,I’ve bee there,I’ve done that……..it hurt like nothing else.It will take you time to get emotionally out of this story,don’t waste your time…and then one day when you experience yourself the madness of the need of having sex around the age of 40 when you’ll need more sex than you want because of your hormone levels you’ll be hit by the idea how your husband must have felt.Being man is difficult and fantastic,they are ruled by there testosterone nature and at the same time suffer sense of guilt.Think about yourself,live your life,be yourself don’t depend so much emotionally from him,do the things you want,be free!

      Reply
      1. confusedhurt

        My husband and i were married for a year…we are now getting a divorce..two months into our marriage i found a used condem in our house…i found out 6 months ago that he was going to escourts for massages…so he says…do you think he slept with them or just for a massage?

  12. Clg

    I just found out my husband has been seeing escorts, I believe for the last five years or so an I will be married for eight years this month. I don’t know how to handle this, he says he loves me but how can I believe that. He travels for work and I am sure he is seeing escorts then too. I discovered this two days before Christmas but couldn’t confront him till about three weeks ago I am just so hurt and confused. Since confronting him he has changed all of his passwords on he computer to keep me from seeing anything. All I do is cry. I don’t want to be alone but now I feel like just crap worthless and can’t find any reason to keep on living. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend everything is ok, since I have not been able to tell but one person. Due to health reasons with my parents I can’t tell them. Help me what should I do.

    Reply
  13. Demi

    Where is the hypocrisy? Yes I feel for the wives. My occupation does not disable my capability to empathize. I don’t actively purse married men but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t understand why any of them would expect me, a total stranger, to value their relationship do anything to preserve it. I have never expected that from anyone apart from my partners.

    I can acknowledge that no one else is to blame for my choice of occupation so why do clients feel the need to justify seeing me by blaming others? It’s utterly maddening. That was my point. I did not come here with intentions to make wives feel better. That is insane lol. I know most will see me as “the enemy” regardless and that’s fine. My post was cathartic for ME 🙂

    Reply
  14. Demi

    Where is the hypocrisy? Yes I feel for the wives. My occupation does not disable my capability to empathize. I don’t actively purse married men but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t understand why any of them would expect me, a total stranger, to value their relationship do anything to preserve it. I have never expected that from anyone apart from my partners.

    I can acknowledge that no one else is to blame for my choice of occupation so why do clients feel the need to justify seeing me by blaming others? It’s utterly maddening. That was my point. I did not come here with intentions to make wives feel better. That is insane lol. I know most will see me as “the enemy” regardless and that’s fine. My post was cathartic for ME 🙂

    Reply
  15. Demi

    Oh, and yes I will take their money AND trash them. I am grateful for their money because this is a business. I will not be grateful for their stupid ass comments. Now, if you will, please name one person in any profession that is above venting about annoying customers. I’ll wait.

    Reply
  16. Demi

    Oh, and yes I will take their money AND trash them. I am grateful for their money because this is a business. I will not be grateful for their stupid ass comments. Now, if you will, please name one person in any profession that is above venting about annoying customers. I’ll wait.

    Reply
  17. Aquajojo

    I have to say that am a wife and I know that most guys I’ve been with have cheated on me. In order to see this men’s work I went to a brothel, for a job interview lol, and while I was there about 2 hrs I saw the hookers, in their fantasy clothing and in normal clothing going in and out of the place. I saw guys, good looking young guys coming in I just couldn’t understand why a good looking guy would pay top dollar for 1 hr?… Any way, most hookers are very young, early 20’s, they r ugly as nothing like the porn movies, they have worse bodies than an average wife. And are uneducated. Every time a customer came in they were giggling and smiling very much like children, and after the presentation the losers came back as losers! Upset and with bitterness in their face. To them is abt money not the guy. To them is selling a transaction. Any ways I think guys who r married and idiot these places are looses and worthless assholes. I think it’s the variety, I felt pity for these women, I condone this and hate the men that make this the biggest industry ever!!! Our men today are fucked!!!!

    Reply
  18. Aquajojo

    I have to say that am a wife and I know that most guys I’ve been with have cheated on me. In order to see this men’s work I went to a brothel, for a job interview lol, and while I was there about 2 hrs I saw the hookers, in their fantasy clothing and in normal clothing going in and out of the place. I saw guys, good looking young guys coming in I just couldn’t understand why a good looking guy would pay top dollar for 1 hr?… Any way, most hookers are very young, early 20’s, they r ugly as nothing like the porn movies, they have worse bodies than an average wife. And are uneducated. Every time a customer came in they were giggling and smiling very much like children, and after the presentation the losers came back as losers! Upset and with bitterness in their face. To them is abt money not the guy. To them is selling a transaction. Any ways I think guys who r married and idiot these places are looses and worthless assholes. I think it’s the variety, I felt pity for these women, I condone this and hate the men that make this the biggest industry ever!!! Our men today are fucked!!!!

    Reply
  19. justanotherscumbag

    I am a man in his late 20’s and have been with my girlfriend for over 8 years, I’ve always been faithful to her and she has to me, we both took each other’s virginity and we have “matured” together for the past 8 years.

    I love and care for her but there’s something inside me that makes me unable to be happy with just her, I feel I missed out on life for all these years. We as a couple have reached a point where I have to make a decision either I continue my life with her and we get married and have a family, knowing that I will always be feeling like I missed out or break up with her and break her heart.

    I am also considering just getting it over with and visiting an escort and not telling a single soul, I am away on a business trip and I am seriously thinking about it.

    I know that if I leave her I will never get her back, and probably will never have someone who loves me like she does, with whom I’ve shared so many experiences.

    I am torn and do not know what to do, I do not want to cheat but I can’t get these feelings that I’ve missed out on life out of my head and it’s tearing me apart, leaving her is something I do not know how to handle, we have been together for so long, and she is dependant on me so if I leave her I will take away everything and it will destroy everything we have built for the past 8 years.

    I care for her and do not want to break her heart, I know she does not deserve this and my only wish is for her to be happy, with or without me, but my selfishness is making me miserable, I just don’t know how to handle this any more.

    I really don’t want to cheat, I know I will regret it, but I feel so weak….

    Reply
  20. Chocky77

    Not all men pay for sex for just the sex, I know from my experience because I have attachment issues, (feel free to research it), being with someone new makes you feel attractive and wanted (even if you are paying someone), but its more than that hence you should research before you reply. Does it make it right? No. I have at least once and I’m sure there are others who pay women simply for the company. Am I fat and ugly? No, I’m athletic with normal weight and height with reasonable looks. I’m just not very self confident, that’s why I have sex with Pro’s. My wife is perfect in every way but unfortunately it’s not her fault, just my problem between my and my psychiatrist.

    Reply
  21. Chocky77

    Not all men pay for sex for just the sex, I know from my experience because I have attachment issues, (feel free to research it), being with someone new makes you feel attractive and wanted (even if you are paying someone), but its more than that hence you should research before you reply. Does it make it right? No. I have at least once and I’m sure there are others who pay women simply for the company. Am I fat and ugly? No, I’m athletic with normal weight and height with reasonable looks. I’m just not very self confident, that’s why I have sex with Pro’s. My wife is perfect in every way but unfortunately it’s not her fault, just my problem between my and my psychiatrist.

    Reply
  22. nobodysfoolanymore

    Twenty two years of marriage and gone through crisis with a kid of his, his mother, my Dad and Mom and now I find condoms in his truck but he doesn’t know how they got there!!

    Well…ever hear of GPS and a IBOT for the computer? Yep….leopard doesn’t change their spots and the shit is about to hit the fan here!

    Reply
  23. nobodysfoolanymore

    Twenty two years of marriage and gone through crisis with a kid of his, his mother, my Dad and Mom and now I find condoms in his truck but he doesn’t know how they got there!!

    Well…ever hear of GPS and a IBOT for the computer? Yep….leopard doesn’t change their spots and the shit is about to hit the fan here!

    Reply
  24. Jtest

    Ok, so I cheated on my husband after no sex or companionship for 8 years. We were basically roommates and it worked (we have no children). I carried on my affair, and it’s still going after three years. Wait – here’s the twist. In the last year, my husband developed a sore throat that lasted months, had achy joints, his hair fell out, and then he quickly started going blind. Why? He caught syphilis. Not from me (I was tested in 2010 and weeks ago after his diagnosis, which he lied about while sitting in a hospital bed for 8 days and then IV bags at home for another 6). I started questioning his illness when I noticed he was being treated with penicillin. He claimed ocular herpes. Thing is, herpes isn’t treated with penicillin. I begged him to tell me what I was living with. He finally said he had a one night fling with a coworker named Lisa after a poker game. It was only once. He knew about my fling before finally admitting his. Thing is, I don’t believe his story. When I asked for the girl’s name, he refused to give me her last name because he didn’t need me hunting her down to harass her because she’s married. So, if this story is true, he’s protecting a one-night fling that gave him the syph, but not his wife of 11 years? I packed his stuff and left it on the curb a month ago. We are still in contact, divorcing as amicably as possible. He still SWEARS that he didn’t cheat!!!! Immaculate infection? I’m thinking it was cheesey whores. Is it that men feel that because they are not emotionally giving themselves to these women, they are technically not cheating?

    As far as my affair, he was single and wanted more, but wanted me to get divorced, so he moved to the west coast (I’m an east coaster) for 10 months. I visited him and that’s when we realized we needed to be together.

    Ladies, don’t waste your time trashing the husbands. It’s so not worth it. There’s always something better out there.

    Reply
  25. Jtest

    Ok, so I cheated on my husband after no sex or companionship for 8 years. We were basically roommates and it worked (we have no children). I carried on my affair, and it’s still going after three years. Wait – here’s the twist. In the last year, my husband developed a sore throat that lasted months, had achy joints, his hair fell out, and then he quickly started going blind. Why? He caught syphilis. Not from me (I was tested in 2010 and weeks ago after his diagnosis, which he lied about while sitting in a hospital bed for 8 days and then IV bags at home for another 6). I started questioning his illness when I noticed he was being treated with penicillin. He claimed ocular herpes. Thing is, herpes isn’t treated with penicillin. I begged him to tell me what I was living with. He finally said he had a one night fling with a coworker named Lisa after a poker game. It was only once. He knew about my fling before finally admitting his. Thing is, I don’t believe his story. When I asked for the girl’s name, he refused to give me her last name because he didn’t need me hunting her down to harass her because she’s married. So, if this story is true, he’s protecting a one-night fling that gave him the syph, but not his wife of 11 years? I packed his stuff and left it on the curb a month ago. We are still in contact, divorcing as amicably as possible. He still SWEARS that he didn’t cheat!!!! Immaculate infection? I’m thinking it was cheesey whores. Is it that men feel that because they are not emotionally giving themselves to these women, they are technically not cheating?

    As far as my affair, he was single and wanted more, but wanted me to get divorced, so he moved to the west coast (I’m an east coaster) for 10 months. I visited him and that’s when we realized we needed to be together.

    Ladies, don’t waste your time trashing the husbands. It’s so not worth it. There’s always something better out there.

    Reply
  26. tammy

    I know this is an old thread, so I may be writing to myself, but the act of writing is more cathartic than anything.

    I was in an 11 year relationship with a man who went to prostitutes. He also was very emotionally abusive, which turned into mild physical abuse (if there is such a thing.) At about year 3 the emotional abuse was so bad I became acutely depressed. It was weird, I didn’t notice it until I was already in it. We were also living in a third world country. I was trying to run two tourist based businesses, help him with a development project and home school my two adolescents when they were with me. I was exhausted and trapped, so I really was in huge denial. I was the perfect target.

    Our relationship started out magical. I had never been in love like that before. The sex was fabulous, too. We both had high sex drives, so sex was frequent (several times a day) and experimental. I felt it was something intensely personal and special between us. (Wrong…)

    He started traveling. He would go to nearby countries for supplies and stay 3 or 4 days. I became suspicious, but was so down trodden and flat out busy, I did nothing. I even called his cell phone one time and he accidentally answered instead of turn it off and I could hear him say “oh great, NOW you’re going to act like you’re bored.” I then heard silence and it was clear what was going on. He lied his way out of it AND I BOUGHT IT. I remember telling myself at the time that I was unable to deal with this, so I would just believe him. I knew better.

    I finally reached a point in my depression that my family intervened and I got help. I was putting my life back together and was going to leave him after my kids left to go back to the US. 2 days later we were arrested. Our arrests stemmed from a business deal that he was in with a friend that became estranged. This person is very wealthy and a despicable human being, so he got mad and threw us in jail (we were later exonerated, so keep reading). I was released in a a few days, but “my man” ended up staying in max security penitentiary for 6 months. I couldn’t leave anyone in that situation, so I worked to get him released, losing all my financial assets along the way. I got him released to house arrest, but he was in terrible shape at this point. He had been beat, humiliated, drugged, and suffered both PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury. He had broken bones, infections, infestations and was malnourished. I slowly nursed him back to health and continued to fight to keep him from going back to prison, and clear our names so we could go home. We continued to have great sex all this time, though I knew I would never be the depressed, abused woman that I had been; that he wanted me to be.

    At one point I had to leave (I was being threatened with a return to jail). I went home and finally saw my kids, after 10 months. I stayed away for 2 months, then had to go back and finish clearing our names and getting “my man” home. That took 3 months, but I finally negotiated a deal that dropped all charges and we were free to leave.

    We came back to the states and set about trying to live, with no money, no jobs, no cars, and him unable to keep a job because of the PTSD. I filed suit in the US against the person that erroneously jailed us. I had no money, so filed pro se. I was working on the case (I’m a chef, not a lawyer), dealing with him, translating legal documents from the case in Nicaragua, working full time, etc. etc.

    Fast forward a couple of years. We had lawyers on the case, were living in a nice enough place and he started sleeping in the other room and became increasingly abusive. There were early morning and late night phone calls. I couldn’t leave because I had a lot at stake in the pending court case. He was such a mess he could have never navigated the legal waters (or really done anything else) without me. We moved to a new state trying to just start over. During a casual conversation with a friend he said something that didn’t add up to me, and when I asked him about it later, he confessed to having been to hookers during our entire relationship, even after I got him out of prison, while I was in the states and he was still South. He also confessed to an affair in which a woman paid him (supposedly.) This was still going on, over the phone.

    I was stuck. I asked him to leave for a time, and go back to the state where his “affair” was and work. We needed money and I really didn’t care if was still seeing her. We also had the court case there, so our lawyers kept an eye on him and he stayed with one of my friends. Court came and went and we won. I returned to the state I was living in and he stayed and worked another month or so. When he came home, we tried to continue (there was still appeals pending, and I had worked too hard to let everything go at that point.)

    Things eventually worked out, and I was able to leave. I was also able to deal with all of this. My ex is now devastated and calls me every day crying about how awful he is. I tell him to forgive himself, it’s over now. We still see each other, and even have sex (though I have issues about hearing him and picturing him). I will never go back to him, but we have been through so much together I can’t imagine him ever being completely out of my life.

    My problem is this: He has said “I never thought this would happen.” When I ask what he did think would happen he just says “not this.” I ask if he thought there would be to consequences to his actions; “No, I knew if you found out you’d leave.” Then he clearly didn’t care if I left or not, right? He denies that. I just want to know what other men think about this. Do you really not care, or do you think you won’t get caught? Do you just not think about it at all? What do you think is going to happen?

    Thanks for listening…..

    Reply
  27. tammy

    I know this is an old thread, so I may be writing to myself, but the act of writing is more cathartic than anything.

    I was in an 11 year relationship with a man who went to prostitutes. He also was very emotionally abusive, which turned into mild physical abuse (if there is such a thing.) At about year 3 the emotional abuse was so bad I became acutely depressed. It was weird, I didn’t notice it until I was already in it. We were also living in a third world country. I was trying to run two tourist based businesses, help him with a development project and home school my two adolescents when they were with me. I was exhausted and trapped, so I really was in huge denial. I was the perfect target.

    Our relationship started out magical. I had never been in love like that before. The sex was fabulous, too. We both had high sex drives, so sex was frequent (several times a day) and experimental. I felt it was something intensely personal and special between us. (Wrong…)

    He started traveling. He would go to nearby countries for supplies and stay 3 or 4 days. I became suspicious, but was so down trodden and flat out busy, I did nothing. I even called his cell phone one time and he accidentally answered instead of turn it off and I could hear him say “oh great, NOW you’re going to act like you’re bored.” I then heard silence and it was clear what was going on. He lied his way out of it AND I BOUGHT IT. I remember telling myself at the time that I was unable to deal with this, so I would just believe him. I knew better.

    I finally reached a point in my depression that my family intervened and I got help. I was putting my life back together and was going to leave him after my kids left to go back to the US. 2 days later we were arrested. Our arrests stemmed from a business deal that he was in with a friend that became estranged. This person is very wealthy and a despicable human being, so he got mad and threw us in jail (we were later exonerated, so keep reading). I was released in a a few days, but “my man” ended up staying in max security penitentiary for 6 months. I couldn’t leave anyone in that situation, so I worked to get him released, losing all my financial assets along the way. I got him released to house arrest, but he was in terrible shape at this point. He had been beat, humiliated, drugged, and suffered both PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury. He had broken bones, infections, infestations and was malnourished. I slowly nursed him back to health and continued to fight to keep him from going back to prison, and clear our names so we could go home. We continued to have great sex all this time, though I knew I would never be the depressed, abused woman that I had been; that he wanted me to be.

    At one point I had to leave (I was being threatened with a return to jail). I went home and finally saw my kids, after 10 months. I stayed away for 2 months, then had to go back and finish clearing our names and getting “my man” home. That took 3 months, but I finally negotiated a deal that dropped all charges and we were free to leave.

    We came back to the states and set about trying to live, with no money, no jobs, no cars, and him unable to keep a job because of the PTSD. I filed suit in the US against the person that erroneously jailed us. I had no money, so filed pro se. I was working on the case (I’m a chef, not a lawyer), dealing with him, translating legal documents from the case in Nicaragua, working full time, etc. etc.

    Fast forward a couple of years. We had lawyers on the case, were living in a nice enough place and he started sleeping in the other room and became increasingly abusive. There were early morning and late night phone calls. I couldn’t leave because I had a lot at stake in the pending court case. He was such a mess he could have never navigated the legal waters (or really done anything else) without me. We moved to a new state trying to just start over. During a casual conversation with a friend he said something that didn’t add up to me, and when I asked him about it later, he confessed to having been to hookers during our entire relationship, even after I got him out of prison, while I was in the states and he was still South. He also confessed to an affair in which a woman paid him (supposedly.) This was still going on, over the phone.

    I was stuck. I asked him to leave for a time, and go back to the state where his “affair” was and work. We needed money and I really didn’t care if was still seeing her. We also had the court case there, so our lawyers kept an eye on him and he stayed with one of my friends. Court came and went and we won. I returned to the state I was living in and he stayed and worked another month or so. When he came home, we tried to continue (there was still appeals pending, and I had worked too hard to let everything go at that point.)

    Things eventually worked out, and I was able to leave. I was also able to deal with all of this. My ex is now devastated and calls me every day crying about how awful he is. I tell him to forgive himself, it’s over now. We still see each other, and even have sex (though I have issues about hearing him and picturing him). I will never go back to him, but we have been through so much together I can’t imagine him ever being completely out of my life.

    My problem is this: He has said “I never thought this would happen.” When I ask what he did think would happen he just says “not this.” I ask if he thought there would be to consequences to his actions; “No, I knew if you found out you’d leave.” Then he clearly didn’t care if I left or not, right? He denies that. I just want to know what other men think about this. Do you really not care, or do you think you won’t get caught? Do you just not think about it at all? What do you think is going to happen?

    Thanks for listening…..

    Reply
  28. Angelica

    I am into my 3rd day after finding out my husband has been cheating with whores, we have been together 7 years just married for 4 of them. I took on him and his 2 kids a year after his first wife dies, I’ve taken crap from his family and hers for the way I do Inge not bringing the way she would have, but I’ve taken it every time as understand they are grieving. Then 3 days ago I find out this man, who claims to love me and only me has been paying for sex. I feel sick to the core thinking of what he has done and what diseases he may have given me. I am at a total loss, my gut instinct is to leave him, but I’ve raised his daughter since she was 2 years old and she is like my own, how can I leave her to his care. How do you ever recover from this?

    Reply
  29. Angelica

    I am into my 3rd day after finding out my husband has been cheating with whores, we have been together 7 years just married for 4 of them. I took on him and his 2 kids a year after his first wife dies, I’ve taken crap from his family and hers for the way I do Inge not bringing the way she would have, but I’ve taken it every time as understand they are grieving. Then 3 days ago I find out this man, who claims to love me and only me has been paying for sex. I feel sick to the core thinking of what he has done and what diseases he may have given me. I am at a total loss, my gut instinct is to leave him, but I’ve raised his daughter since she was 2 years old and she is like my own, how can I leave her to his care. How do you ever recover from this?

    Reply
  30. YouCanStop

    I am a husband who cheated on his family with prostitutes.

    Men have a choice and there is no excuse for this behaviour. I must accept my responsibilities and recognise that the home I’ve just broken is entirely my fault and that no matter how sorry I am, I have broken my wife’s heart, smashed our dreams, potentially damaged my children’s mental health. And sorry doesn’t fix a broken home.

    I find out the results of my STI blood test next week. Although I deserve everything that’s coming to me. I pray I have not contracted any infections for my family’s sake.

    My advice to any married men who have not yet told their wives is that you can stop, you have a choice. You can get help, you can remove temptation by simply choosing not to look at adult sites (as that’s how it normally starts)… Make a commitment to stop today, take each day at a time and get yourself checked out for STI’s. If you have contracted anything you have to tell your wife and accept that she will probably leave you. But if you don’t then you are a coward who will one day get found out (trust me, you will).

    Reply
  31. YouCanStop

    I am a husband who cheated on his family with prostitutes.

    Men have a choice and there is no excuse for this behaviour. I must accept my responsibilities and recognise that the home I’ve just broken is entirely my fault and that no matter how sorry I am, I have broken my wife’s heart, smashed our dreams, potentially damaged my children’s mental health. And sorry doesn’t fix a broken home.

    I find out the results of my STI blood test next week. Although I deserve everything that’s coming to me. I pray I have not contracted any infections for my family’s sake.

    My advice to any married men who have not yet told their wives is that you can stop, you have a choice. You can get help, you can remove temptation by simply choosing not to look at adult sites (as that’s how it normally starts)… Make a commitment to stop today, take each day at a time and get yourself checked out for STI’s. If you have contracted anything you have to tell your wife and accept that she will probably leave you. But if you don’t then you are a coward who will one day get found out (trust me, you will).

    Reply
  32. Ella

    I am 58 years old as is my dirt bag husband . We have been married for 31 years. By the click of a mouse my whole life unraveled. My daughter checked our email and found a conversation from his blackberry where he made an appointment to meet a hooker a few months prior while I was in Arizona. He begged me to go to AZ so I could get away from the cold.He was going to be a brave boy and stay behind and tough out the winter. Turns out he started out just looking at pics on the web.He the progressed to jerking off in his van while some whore got him off on the phone. Then he started going to our citys whore house or massage parlour as they like to call it.My daughter and I smashed 3 phones including his blackberry.I told all his friends my friends and his family.He has had to sleep in his van a couple of very cold nites so he very sorry and wants anew start. I wasn’t happy with our non existent sex life but felt sorry for him. It takes him half anhour to pee and he could rarely get it up.So being the understanding wife that I am I didn’t want to embarass the poor dear. I have been given a pap test for stds and will probably need hiv tests the rest of my life.My daughter hates his guts is changing her last name and calls him by the alias he used not dad. I hope his $80 blow job was worth it. Oh yeah hubby also hates women with short hair with red hair or black women or Indian women or fat women. Guess what? He had every color and every type of woman on his blackberry.He sure wasn’t fussy. Haven”t decided whether i want to know whats on his sin card which i removed before i smashed his blackberry. Might come in handy in divorce court.

    Reply
  33. Ella

    I am 58 years old as is my dirt bag husband . We have been married for 31 years. By the click of a mouse my whole life unraveled. My daughter checked our email and found a conversation from his blackberry where he made an appointment to meet a hooker a few months prior while I was in Arizona. He begged me to go to AZ so I could get away from the cold.He was going to be a brave boy and stay behind and tough out the winter. Turns out he started out just looking at pics on the web.He the progressed to jerking off in his van while some whore got him off on the phone. Then he started going to our citys whore house or massage parlour as they like to call it.My daughter and I smashed 3 phones including his blackberry.I told all his friends my friends and his family.He has had to sleep in his van a couple of very cold nites so he very sorry and wants anew start. I wasn’t happy with our non existent sex life but felt sorry for him. It takes him half anhour to pee and he could rarely get it up.So being the understanding wife that I am I didn’t want to embarass the poor dear. I have been given a pap test for stds and will probably need hiv tests the rest of my life.My daughter hates his guts is changing her last name and calls him by the alias he used not dad. I hope his $80 blow job was worth it. Oh yeah hubby also hates women with short hair with red hair or black women or Indian women or fat women. Guess what? He had every color and every type of woman on his blackberry.He sure wasn’t fussy. Haven”t decided whether i want to know whats on his sin card which i removed before i smashed his blackberry. Might come in handy in divorce court.

    Reply
  34. Bagwel

    There is no doubt in my mind that this lady caster is truely gifted. She is very seriously powerful and wonderful. I am thankful that i never calling her. My situation was as bad as dead that i was tired of existence.
    My wife left me, At that same heartbreak i lost my dad, everything on earth seems finished for me, i almost committed suicide until i search online to find out about a spell priestess Ifaa, I saw many psychics and more but none wanted to help me but rhis spell lady told me that she’s going to bring me a new world, I placed all my hope in her, and as she did her spell work, 7days later, my lover came back to me, i was also offered a job in a company i applied for a job, luck was coming from different corners. Today, i owe a house, have a good job, living well, and most of all, am getting married soon to my true love. I have never believed this till now, unlike other psychics who wants to money money money. priestess Ifaa told me i would have my life back even more better, I was a little skeptical because many promised and never fulfilled, but to my surprise my fiancee showed up at my door out of the blue 7 days later!! priestess ifaa is the best. I beg you to contact her and never make any mistkae in going else were. the email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com, God Bless and thank you for all that you have done for me!

    Reply
  35. Bagwel

    There is no doubt in my mind that this lady caster is truely gifted. She is very seriously powerful and wonderful. I am thankful that i never calling her. My situation was as bad as dead that i was tired of existence.
    My wife left me, At that same heartbreak i lost my dad, everything on earth seems finished for me, i almost committed suicide until i search online to find out about a spell priestess Ifaa, I saw many psychics and more but none wanted to help me but rhis spell lady told me that she’s going to bring me a new world, I placed all my hope in her, and as she did her spell work, 7days later, my lover came back to me, i was also offered a job in a company i applied for a job, luck was coming from different corners. Today, i owe a house, have a good job, living well, and most of all, am getting married soon to my true love. I have never believed this till now, unlike other psychics who wants to money money money. priestess Ifaa told me i would have my life back even more better, I was a little skeptical because many promised and never fulfilled, but to my surprise my fiancee showed up at my door out of the blue 7 days later!! priestess ifaa is the best. I beg you to contact her and never make any mistkae in going else were. the email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com, God Bless and thank you for all that you have done for me!

    Reply
  36. The Network Company

    I can express the reason I cheated and I felt very justified. I provided my wife with an amazing home, I was a good father, I treated her like a treasure, bought her hundreds of thousands of dollars of present each year, took her traveling, took her on a date every weekend. I was always good natured and nice to her, and she was a totally demeaning and demanding bitch who constantly said cruel things, tried to boss me around all the time, and was always acusing me of the most bizarre things. So I had two choices. Choice A I act like a total asshold back to her and maybe leave the marriage or B I fuck around on her from time to time and I still treat her nice even though she is a total bitch. I chose B and it allowed me to continue to treat her well which allowed the relationship to go on longer than it would have if I lashed out. Most modern women treat their men like TRASH, they abuse them and act as if it is a major honor to be with them. At a moment’s notice they will just leave and find a new boyfriend or husband and feel totally justified. Well, guess what ladies, men are smarter than you think, and they reward this attitude by fucking other chicks. I am certain that most men would remain loyal if they were actually treated like human beings by their wives.

    Reply
  37. The Network Company

    I can express the reason I cheated and I felt very justified. I provided my wife with an amazing home, I was a good father, I treated her like a treasure, bought her hundreds of thousands of dollars of present each year, took her traveling, took her on a date every weekend. I was always good natured and nice to her, and she was a totally demeaning and demanding bitch who constantly said cruel things, tried to boss me around all the time, and was always acusing me of the most bizarre things. So I had two choices. Choice A I act like a total asshold back to her and maybe leave the marriage or B I fuck around on her from time to time and I still treat her nice even though she is a total bitch. I chose B and it allowed me to continue to treat her well which allowed the relationship to go on longer than it would have if I lashed out. Most modern women treat their men like TRASH, they abuse them and act as if it is a major honor to be with them. At a moment’s notice they will just leave and find a new boyfriend or husband and feel totally justified. Well, guess what ladies, men are smarter than you think, and they reward this attitude by fucking other chicks. I am certain that most men would remain loyal if they were actually treated like human beings by their wives.

    Reply
  38. Nurse Jamie

    Thank you to the escorts who post their opinions on ” why” our men cheat on us with them. I just made my decision to leave my husband of 12 yrs for cheating on me for a year with prostitutes. I was accepting his reasons why, and after 17 days of reading books on the topic, seeing a psychologist and a therapist and planning couples therapy…….well….the
    Pig looked me in the eyes and denied doing a hooker on a conference a month ago. The proof was in text on his iPhone. He did not even try to cover his tracks and delete.

    We are both professional with high incomes. We are slim, well kept and dress classy. We look years younger than our ages. We have never had fights til now.

    Stupid idiot…….had a clean slate…..a chance to save a marriage we both called ” the best time of our life”. Spectacular vacations, best buddies at outdoor hobbies, renovating our home together, lots of laughs and all the sex,love intimacy whenever we wanted it and we even played out each others fantasies together. We have excellent finances, thousands a month extra for trips etc., fantastic pensions to look forward to, plenty of investment savings, no debts whatsoever, a home paid off and updated very modern looking and should sell fast.

    Here is my question…….why????? He says he does not know why.

    Reply
    1. Julia

      because they want their cake and eat it too! Most men will cheat because they can seperate love and sex,they think with their love muscle (their brain) and don’t thunk of consequences! Men will ALWAYS be like this,they’re tempted constantly,if they never cheated they think about it. This is not a promising story for a happy marriage.. We will NEVER undersatnd these species called men! You sound classy and sharp,keep moving forward with your life and heal. Happy New Year.

      Reply
  39. Nurse Jamie

    Thank you to the escorts who post their opinions on ” why” our men cheat on us with them. I just made my decision to leave my husband of 12 yrs for cheating on me for a year with prostitutes. I was accepting his reasons why, and after 17 days of reading books on the topic, seeing a psychologist and a therapist and planning couples therapy…….well….the
    Pig looked me in the eyes and denied doing a hooker on a conference a month ago. The proof was in text on his iPhone. He did not even try to cover his tracks and delete.

    We are both professional with high incomes. We are slim, well kept and dress classy. We look years younger than our ages. We have never had fights til now.

    Stupid idiot…….had a clean slate…..a chance to save a marriage we both called ” the best time of our life”. Spectacular vacations, best buddies at outdoor hobbies, renovating our home together, lots of laughs and all the sex,love intimacy whenever we wanted it and we even played out each others fantasies together. We have excellent finances, thousands a month extra for trips etc., fantastic pensions to look forward to, plenty of investment savings, no debts whatsoever, a home paid off and updated very modern looking and should sell fast.

    Here is my question…….why????? He says he does not know why.

    Reply
  40. Kovakova

    My husband cheated on me with prostitutes, I am 23 yrs old he is 41. I am very beautiful and sexy, I was cook ,clean, and role play with my husband. He sleeps with prostitutes because he like whores plain and simple. No prostitute can be tighter than I am. filthy nasty sluts that sleep with anything that have money.When we have sex he ask me to pretend like i’m a whore n he wants me to have a big filthy V J like them girls. he fantasies abt me with a lot of me. I’m leaving him because i can get any man i want. he should be lucky he had me. All you prostitutes gonna die a horrible death you disease ridden disgusting creatures.

    Reply
  41. Kovakova

    My husband cheated on me with prostitutes, I am 23 yrs old he is 41. I am very beautiful and sexy, I was cook ,clean, and role play with my husband. He sleeps with prostitutes because he like whores plain and simple. No prostitute can be tighter than I am. filthy nasty sluts that sleep with anything that have money.When we have sex he ask me to pretend like i’m a whore n he wants me to have a big filthy V J like them girls. he fantasies abt me with a lot of me. I’m leaving him because i can get any man i want. he should be lucky he had me. All you prostitutes gonna die a horrible death you disease ridden disgusting creatures.

    Reply
  42. Victoria Cole

    HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

    Reply

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